


Ketchup

by flower_feast



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Innocent Connor (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, this is kinda silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 10:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15839061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flower_feast/pseuds/flower_feast
Summary: The great ketchup controversy™ as seen through the eyes of Connor.





	Ketchup

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a weird fic idea I had to get out of my system sksksk I have more serious fics coming soon. Maybe this weekend?? Lol I'm so sorry about this

Androids designed with the most advanced technology known to mankind had been done so with the needs of the people in mind. They were nothing less than perfect; smarter, stronger, and equipped with handy functions all to better their purpose. Even after deviation, androids remain superior in every sense of the word. So why is it, Connor thought, that he still couldn’t seem to grasp the idea of ketchup? He knew what it was, that isn’t the problem. The problem was how you used it. It all started during your lunch break. Inviting Connor out to lunch, despite the fact that he didn’t eat, was part of the daily routine at the DPD. The two of you usually just talked about nothing in particular while you ate and strolled through the nearby park. That day, you ranted about how the weather was getting chilly as you waited for your basket of fries. And then you did the thing. The thing that would confuse Connor for days to come. You grabbed a bottle of ketchup and squirted it in zig-zags across your steaming french fries. 

Of course at the time, it didn’t hold much significance for Connor (although he did store your preference in his memory bank for future reference) and you both carried on like usual. It was the next day when he accompanied Hank for a late lunch, after an investigation, that it got complicated. Connor considered letting Hank know how many carbs were in his meal when he was struck speechless as Hank squirted ketchup into a neat pile on the side of his fries. Very different from the way you liked it. Connor said nothing and instead listened to Hank make another complaint about Sumo chewing his shoes the night before. At this point, Connor thought it was just something humans preferred. Like colors or coffee. Boy, was he in for a surprise. 

As a nicety, Connor brought you and Hank lunch later that week since you both were swamped with paperwork. It was easier on him if you both just ordered from the same place, so when Connor returned with both of your fries and wrapped cheeseburgers (a pattern he was also picking up on) he also did you both the favor of bringing extra ketchup packets. “You’re the best, Connor!” You gushed and stuffed a fry into your mouth. He smiled in return and watched as you tore open a packet and squirted the ketchup in that same zig-zag pattern as before. Hank made his way over to your desk after seeing Connor enter and clapped a hand onto his shoulder.

“Thanks, Connor. Don’t know where I’d be without y- what the hell are you doing?” The disgusted expression on Hank’s face alarmed Connor, and he followed his gaze to your fries. Finding nothing wrong with them after a quick scan, Connor watched in bewilderment as the scene before him unfolded. 

“Putting ketchup on my fries.” You explained defensively, and then added, “The right way.”

Hank scoffed, his expression similar to the one he gave Connor the first time he put evidence in his mouth at a crime scene. “No, that’s disgusting. And definitely not the right way to do anything.” 

“Fight me, Hank!” Now distressed that his two best friends were arguing, Connor anxiously stepped from side to side and moved his hands into a position to stop the altercation. But Hank only rolled his eyes, grabbed his lunch, and walked back to his desk. The confused android furrowed his brows and was surprised to see you return to your work as well, as if you hadn’t threatened Hank just a second ago. And all because of ketchup?

“A-Are you both okay?” He managed to ask you. You forgot he was there. 

“Yeah,” You finished chewing, “Why do you ask?” 

It didn’t occur to you that Connor didn’t know you were joking around with the lieutenant until he said, “You almost got into a fight with Hank. Over ketchup.”

At this, you laughed and clutched the side of your desk. Furrowing his brow deeper, Connor frowned. “I-I’m sorry,” You said through laughter, “I was messing around. I didn’t mean it. And Hank’s not mad.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s hard to explain.” And with that, you smiled and thanked him again for the food.

Connor returned to his desk, still confused as ever, but just glad his friends weren’t going to turn on each other anytime soon. Being human was more complicated than he first thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus:
> 
> Reader: *carefully twists an Oreo apart and eats the filling, then the cookie*
> 
> Hank: *dips the entire thing into his coffee*
> 
> Connor: ???


End file.
